The Meaning of Happiness

THE GOOD LIFE—THE MEANING OF HAPPINESS

Over the course of the last week there's been a lot of discussion amongst various friends and family about happiness- what defines it, how does it define you, what is it exactly, why for some does it seem to be illusive, and for others everpresent? A few months ago, I found one of the Yahoo Question / Answer forums - and someone posted the question - Can anyone explain happiness?

And then coincidently, another article appeared about the impact of happiness
on longevity—based on the findings of a soon to be published study on
the subject. Here are some excerpts from the article: Happiness itself, according to the specialists, is generally accepted as "the overall appreciation of one's life as a whole", in other words a state of mind best defined by the person questioned. "Happiness does not heal, but happiness protects against falling ill," says Ruut Veenhoven of Rotterdam's Erasmus University in a study soon to be published. After reviewing 30 studies carried out worldwide over periods ranging from one to 60 years, the Dutch professor said the effects of happiness on longevity were "comparable to that of smoking or not".

ACHIEVING GOALS VERSUS APPRECIATING THE PROCESS

Let's face it, from the very early stages of our youth we are taught to be goal-oriented. As babies, our parents make note of all the firsts - first smile, first laugh, first time we sleep through the night, first steps, first words, first kiss, first job, first everything.

In school we are expected to get good grades - grades are what are used to gauge our progress, track our success, measure our value. We are compared to others. In sport, we are picked for teams based on performance- who can stop the most goals, who can run the furthest, who can swim the fastest, who can serve the toughest ball. If lucky you are picked first; but if you were like me, you were picked last, or over a coin toss because neither team captain wanted you on their bench.

Somewhere in all this quest to be the best, or to have the best, both parent and child lost sight of the bigger picture. And even if a parent, friend or teacher said, 'It doesn't matter what you get as long as you try your best,' did we really think that was any consolation? How many of us have actually enjoyed being slapped on the back and congratulated for just enjoying ourselves while being mediocre (or even failing)?

When you finally grow up and get a job, you are rewarded for excellence and productivity. You are promoted. You receive pay increases. You find a partner, you get a dog or cat, have a child, and repeat the cycle, over and over again- accumulate more stuff, drive a faster car, buy a bigger house. Did you lose yourself along the way? Are you floundering in the overwhelming tide of things to do? Are we just content to be hamsters, running on our treadmill, waiting for someone to throw us a treat for good behaviour (as defined by some external source that sits on the other side of our glass enclosure)? If we're lucky, maybe through some stroke of luck (usually bad luck), we are given a chance to wake up, to wonder out loud if we might have missed the point.

PROCESS VERSUS PRODUCT

We've all read a book or two in our lifetime. Sometimes our favourite books become films. We've devoured this book with zeal, and eagerly anticipate the premier. But surprisingly, when we walk out of the cinema, we're left with the feeling that perhaps the film missed the mark. As we wind our way home, we start comparing scenes from the movie with chapters we've read. Was the book better than the film, or, was what we imagined better? Somewhere in our minds, we built up the story, depicted the characters, filled in the blanks - and we did a great job of it - created an award winning script. Then this film comes along, and let's us down - what we imagined the heroine looked like was so much better, etc.

I think we have the capacity to do this in everything we experience. For whatever reason, we weave a story and become so enamoured with that story that it takes on a life of its own. (Ok - I'm not talking delusional, just embellishment.) And before we know it, we've created a whole script that we really prefer, especially the ending.

DESIRE BREEDS DISCONTENT

If being goal-oriented is all we know, then in our nature I think we are prone to being discontent. If we attach ourselves to the story, rather than the reality, and we carry on down that road in anticipation of an end where everything works out just as we imagined, then we become disappointed when the script changes unexpectedly. Sometimes life turns out ok, sometimes there's a hairpin curve we didn't anticipate. Focusing on the outcome paves the way to disappointment. It is not the story we've invented or the end we envisioned which is important. What matters is how things unfold.

If we shifted our focus to the 'now' and enjoyed the process, no matter what it represents in the middle, I think the opportunity to achieve sustainable happiness is significantly higher. For example, if I decide I'd like to lose weight, there are things I will need to do to achieve this goal which could include any combination of dieting, exercise, lifestyle changes, etc. If I focus on losing the weight, rather than the process of losing the weight, then I am operating in the future, rather than focusing on today. By shifting my focus to the process- exploring different foods, choosing sport or walking activities that provide exercise, but also emotional nurturing, walking to the shop rather than driving, etc., then I probably will forget that the goal is to lose weight, and will enjoy the processes I have adopted as a result. So what started as the goal becomes a byproduct of a process, simply by shifting my focus from the outcome to the means.

SO WHAT IS THE MEANING OF HAPPINESS

That's why I try to focus on the process. If we think about the process, rather than the outcome, isn't that better? If we desire anything - to be the headboy, or a director, or a home-owner, we strive to achieve this goal. What happens when we attain it? Are we satisfied when we get it, or do we then look for the next big thing? I can't answer this definitively. But I can say this makes it harder than necessary to be good or happy. In the absence of any empirical evidence, I defer to a far deeper thinker - our good Greek friend Aristotle.

Aristotle defined the function of being human (i.e., human purpose) when he stated, "if we declare that the function of man is a certain form of life, and define that form of life as the exercise of the soul's faculties and activities in association with rational principle, and say that the function of a good man is to perform these activities well and rightly, and if a function is well performed when it is performed in accordance with its own proper excellence--from these premises it follows that the Good of man is the active exercise of his soul’s faculties in conformity with excellence or virtue, or if there be several human excellences or virtues, in conformity with the best and most perfect among them"- (Book I, Ch. 7 PP Nic+Eth.1098a 14-15).

In other words, the overall human function is the soul's activity which expresses or requires reason. The activity of reasoning is what makes you human. The essence of being human is having the ability to reason: all humans possess the essence, but not all function according to it (some have the ability, but do not use it). Furthermore, all human actions taken together comprise the good. Everything we do throughout our lives contributes to the overall function with its own individual quality. If we live well, i.e., according to the proper virtues, this will allow us to achieve what the Greeks called 'eudaimonia'.

WHAT IS EUDAIMONIA?

Most things are desired for the sake of something else (e.g., we desire food because we want to be healthy), but Aristotle argued that there must be something desired only for its own sake. This he identified as happiness, well-being or flourishing (Greek eudaimonia literally "having a good guardian spirit"). When asked "Why do you desire this?" and then "Well, why do you desire that?" in response to each answer, many people will eventually stop at "in order to be happy." Eudaimonia is not a means to an end, but an end in itself—in fact, Aristotle argued that it was commonly recognized as the ultimate goal of life (Book I, Ch. 4). Happiness thus understood is not a mood or temporary state, but a state achieved through a lifetime of virtuous action, accompanied by some measure of good fortune.

INTELLECTUAL AND MORAL VIRTUES

Aristotle divides the virtues into intellectual and moral virtues. Each of these virtues can be acquired through practice over time. A person becomes more courageous by continually choosing courageous acts over cowardly or foolhardy ones, for example.

THE HAPPY MEDIAN

Each virtue falls between two vices. Virtue is like the mean because it is the intermediate between two vices. On this model a triad is formed with one vice on either end (excess or deficiency) and the virtue as the intermediate. If one’s character is too near either vice, then the person will incur blame but if one’s character is near the intermediate, the person deserves praise. Proper participation in each of these three pillars is necessary for a person to lead a virtuous and therefore happy life.

UNDERSTANING VIRTUES

See if you can understand what the excess and the deficiency are for each virtue, and, whether the excess or the deficiency is the more "attractive" vice, and why.

Aritstotle’s Nichomachean Ethics
http://pages.interlog.com/~girbe/virtuesvices.html

WHAT IF THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS?

Let me end this too-long entry with a few words from the movie 'As Good as it Gets.' In the film, Jack Nicholson's character 'Melvin Udall' – a cantankerous, acidic individual-- suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder. You couldn't find a more repulsive character to remind us of our own humanity.

As the film develops, through increased interaction between the different characters (even the dog), it becomes clear that it is harder to take the time to look at people and appreciate life as it is handed to us than to descend into our own fantasies, or obsessions. And that even though it might be easier to overlook (or indeed nearly impossible to see) the good side in people, in most cases, it really is there, if only we would stop to notice and explore it. In one compelling scene, Melvin walks out of his analyst's office into a waiting-room full of patients and says – "What if this is as good as it gets?"

In the last few months I have been so blown away by the quality of people with whom I've been interacting? Each day this sphere of brilliant people expands. In truth, everyday it seems as if some other amazing person comes across my path. And when I say amazing, I don't mean Einstein-like, or Nobel-prize winning types of people. I mean regular people, with their own dilemmas and quirks and strengths. Real people who have their own ways of coping with life using humour, patience, wit, work, exercise, sex, prayer, people, school, travel, money, shopping... you name it, in any and all combinations. And while not all coping mechanisms are created equal, it is interesting to see how and when individuals apply them.

In all, I think we see what we want to see– through our own lens, which is only a reflection of what we ourselves are thinking. So what if this is as good as it gets. I'm OK with that. How does it make you feel? I am grateful because most days I want to walk out the door and say thank you all the time. Does that mean I am happy? I'm not sure, but whatever it is, I wish I had a way of bottling it up like some Bach's Flower Remedy. Whatever it is I am feeling, I'd really like to share it. :-)

Moving day bloopers

Round 2 - Moving day bloopers

Hello - I thought I'd send this out to you while I still had some connectivity....and sanity, and a marginal sense of humour....

First, a special thanks to all of you who came to my aid, sending jokes via text message and email. All greatly appreciated.

Special mentions to my brother who responded to my email saying - "I'd send a joke, but if I just put my name on this email and send it back to you, you'll have a good laugh."

Another friend sent me Dharma comics and a very appropriate quote about the ability to laugh at one's own foolishness... very funny, ha, ha!

Conversely, I rec'd one with assorted pictures of when it is OK to use the F word (highly appropriate); a vomiting pumpkin; a couple of text jokes that I cannot repeat (but will admit that I laughed at them); some corrections to my grammar; response to what a parky is (some very British word used as an adjective meaning COLD); and various other things.

The volume joke prize has to go to Sarah, who sent me 14 jokes via email, as well as her own account of carpet cleaning adventures 101 - highly amusing. Made me feel much better actually.

So, yes, the movers are finally here today and tomorrow. Bizarrely, one of the movers is deathly allergic to all animals - he might be in the wrong business.... So he's in the truck - much to the chagrin of the other two movers who are doing all the heavy lifting. Subsequently, this means I need to stay in one end of the house with the dogs, while the movers are picking everything up - I might never find anything again in the new house!

Status:
Found: mobile phone charger, as well as daughter's lost mobile; digital camera charger and digital camera.

Exhumed: one whole case of champagne!!! Ex's spare BMW key (lost since 2004!) - however, that might get lost again - I'll try to keep track of it though and when you're back from Indonesia, please remember to ask me for it!

Lost: spare VW key.... um, also misplaced the address of garage where VW is actually being repaired (it is somewhere in the paperwork boxes, I hope).

Nearly lost: Two dogs, as they disappeared round the corner, heading for the park, flying past the allergic moving man. I can't tell who was moving faster, him or the dogs.

Charitable contributions: The charity swear box is filling up slowly today (how cool is that). Although it hit the jackpot last week,- the VW incident was particularly lucrative. That said, I can't afford to say the F word anymore - OK, I know that's the goal, but sometimes nothing else will really cover it quite the same.

Like when I dropped the 18th-century painting by John Wilson - in its original, nearly pristine frame. The painting survived, but the frame is a bit smaller now. As I was outside the new house, I managed to contain myself, and didn't even swear - all I said was - 'What an idiot' - (it was me that dropped it). My son stared at me in disbelief as I attempted to pick up all the fragments from the street. It's very hard to distinguish smashed gilded frame bits from autumnal leaves - but I did manage to collect most of the bits. Anyone know a good restoration person?

Oh - and the highlight this morning was the invitation I received to one Halloween party by neighbor: was in the middle of attempt to extract the last box from my truck (which I had left overnight, as I was just too knackered last night to move it after the 3rd trip). Of course, my rear-end was well exposed as I dragged the box out. That's when a man, who I think is my neighbor, jogs passed me, stops, introduces himself, and then invites me to a party.

I did thank him, said yes, saying 'Great, that's when I'll be in my natural state.'- He just looked at me and said, in a very British polite way - 'Well, yes, I'll just drop an invite through your door to remind you then, shall I?' -- Do you think he'll do it?

CORRECTION: Lastly, I think I hit the send button too soon the other day.... apparently BT's core business is changing.... that's all I can figure as there's really no other explanation for how they managed to so completely mess up a transfer and cancellation in terms of telephone lines and broadband service.

Now that I have another new number, it won't be active till tomorrow, even though the main house line has now been disconnected. That's why I have a back up.... but really.

Please continue to send jokes by text and email (though email might prove difficult from tonight onward!)

Previous plea for aid...

In dire need of humour ....

The movers are scheduled to be here on Monday and Tuesday. Next week my daughter has French Orals, her Extended Essay, and her Personal statement due. My son also has school he cannot miss. This weekend I am packing everything in boxes as the movers are not packing-- just lifting, driving, and lifting again.

Every room in the departure house is in upheaval: there are boxes and paper and bin bags throughout. Have now lost mobile phone charger, a mobile phone, I've run out of packing paper, the laundry soap has fallen out of the cupboard on the kitchen floor and the vacuum parts are scattered. I can no longer locate the iron (not that I've ever known how to use one anyway).

One teenager has spent the entire day trying to sift through the mountains of paper and magazines in his room. I asked him to put all the clothes he never wore into bin bags for the charity shop. When I went upstairs he had three bags in the hallway. I was amazed and said - 'Is all this for Oxfam?' He looked at me and said 'No, you told me to put all my clothes in bin bags.' So my son has selective hearing and the new old dog is as deaf as a door post.

Scooby (new old dog) thinks he's a tank. Yesterday he tried to walk through the rose garden. He hooked his ears on the thorns of one particularly prickly specimen, and carried on walking until he could walk no further, completely entangled in the rose bushes. After I managed to extract him from the thorns, Sirius felt so bad for him that he licked Scooby's ears. But then, Sirius threw up in the corner of the front hall.

Several nights ago the VW was towed to some garage in Yeovil (a town I've never been to in my life, and I'm sure it's not near either house) - something about a very expensive sump thing needing to be replaced. No, I didn't hug the RAC man when he finally put me into a cab (but I wanted to). On the way home, the cab driver felt so bad for me (because I had a little cry in the back of his car) that he pointed out the yoga healing centre in Queen Camel, suggesting that I book myself in!!!

What's worse (could it get worse?), not only is my head on fire from work, but I also managed to set my hair alight with a candle. An emergency appointment with my hair dresser fixed the damage, but my hair feels a lot shorter....

Please send me something funny in an email - so if I ever get the BT connection up and running in the new house, I'll be able to read my emails and at least have a laugh.

Gurkha Justice Campaign update from Joanna

From: Joanna Lumley <joanna@gurkhajustice.org.uk>
Date: 9 Oct 2008 00:46
Subject: Gurkha Justice Campaign update from Joanna

Thank you so much for signing the Gurkha Justice petition, and joining ourcampaign.

Already, over 33,000 people have signed: an extraordinary response insupport of an extraordinary group of people.

We've had great coveragefor the campaign in the media across the world, and with excellent support from our UK papers.

We must be clear. We're not looking for a Government "review" of cases ofex-Gurkhas. We're not looking at a slight amendment in the law, a way of getting around the High Court's terrific judgement last week. We demand the full, fundamental change in law that will allow all retired Gurkhas the right to live here.

In November, I plan to go to Downing Street and present the GurkhaJustice petition to the Government on your behalf. I want the petition to be so big, so huge, that they simply can't fail to listen.

To make the biggest possible impact, we really need more people tosign: lots more. I want this to be one of the biggest petitions everhanded to theGovernment, to show our support for the Gurkha cause.

Your support for the campaign is a fantastic boost: thank you so much. But, if possible, I need to ask you to help in two other ways, toencourage others to sign.

Firstly, ask all of your friends and colleagues to sign up to the GurkhaJustice Campaign at http://www.gurkhajustice.org.uk - please doforward them this email, or email or contact them directly yourself.

And secondly, you can now download a petition form for signing from http://www.gurkhajustice.org.uk/gurkha_campaign_petition_form.pdf.

Please download and print some copies, and ask friends and colleagueswho have not signed on line to sign up. Please do pass it round (somefriends of mine have run street stalls asking people for theirsignatures - I'm not asking you to go that far!) and return completed sheets to me at the address on the form by the end of October.

Finally - thank you again for your support. Together, we can finally rightthis wrong.

With warmest good wishes,

oanna Lumleyfor the Gurkha Justice Campaign

This message has been sent to people who have signed up to the GurkhaJustice Campaign at http://www.gurkhajustice.org.uk.

You can opt-out of further correspondence from the campaign at anytime by email to optout@gurkhajustice.org.uk.


Learn more:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7644649.stm